Let me start by saying that I am not a marriage expert, nor do I make any claims to be. People do come to me really often to seek relationship advice and the only person who finds that fact more strange than i do is my husband.
Yes, I am married. Happily on some days, not so happily on others.
Marriage, even despite all of its glories, can be very difficult sometimes. It’s been 7 years and while we certainly have grown as people and in our relationship, we certainly haven’t “cracked the code” yet to find the coveted secret to a long and happy marriage.
So why am I writing this blog?
First, let me offer a little background. My first year of marriage was abominable! I felt like we were the prime examples of what not to do in a marriage! Lies, distrust, miscommunication, withheld intimacy, you name it! My mother in law, during one of many gripe sessions, asked me, “Didn’t you realize that marriage would be hard?” “Yes, I did know this,” I acknowledged. “What I didn’t know,” I continued, “Is that it would be so damn hard that when he’d close his eyes at night I would have to fight the urge to suffocate him with the pillow!” Strange choice of words to share with someone’s mother, I know, but she got the idea. Shortly afterward she shared with me the most overused piece of advice ever handed to a married person. She said, “Don’t worry, it will get better. The first year is always the hardest.”
Every bit of solace I’d ever felt about that statement was quickly wiped away when we entered year two and, wouldn’t you know it, it was still hard! Things didn’t seem drastically better or worse and naturally, I thought this must not be right and divorce is our only option. After all, it was only the first year that should be this tough. Then came a second piece of marital advice, this time, with a twist. I was told that in fact, “it’s the first 2 years that are the hardest!”
I have since heard that it was the first 3, 5, and even 10 years that are hardest. I’ve decided that rather than wait until year 11 to hear the next increment, I’ll just settle, or dare I say laugh, at the idea that it may very well be the first 50 years before we can ever call marriage “easy.”
So back to why I am writing this blog. I cant promise that my marriage serves as a guide for others. Heck, i cant even promise that we’ll still be married by the time i finish this book. What I can promise is that we are like millions of married couples in the world, taking it day by day, trying to find humor in even the must “unfunny” situations and love even when our spouses are far from lovable.